Donn’s Story: A Quiet Assurance

Donn Taylor led an Infantry rifle platoon in the Korean War, served with Army aviation in Vietnam, and worked with air reconnaissance in Europe and Asia. Afterward, he earned a PhD in English literature and began a long career in teaching and writing. Now 88, he looks back over a lifetime of walking with God, whom he has found to be a quiet abiding presence and a love that will not let him go. Here is his story…

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For I greet him the days I meet him, and bless when I understand.

–Gerard Manley Hopkins

My first meeting with God came when I was seventeen. A difficult teenager, I’d been baptized at fourteen but nothing changed. By seventeen I was asking questions for which neither school nor church gave answers. Who and what was I? Was evangelical Christianity mere emotion and self-deception? Did God really exist?

Then God Himself intervened. An older boy, worried about my rebellious conduct, prayed with me one night. Our prayers grew more desperate. Then, suddenly, we were overwhelmed by a terrible but wonderful Presence. This remains the most vivid and intense experience of my life. It lasted perhaps one second, and then we were left in wonder, awed but no longer desperate.

That experience was unique. In normal life my response comes in sequences: an event happens, I react to it emotionally, and then find its meaning. But in that unique experience all three came simultaneously within about one second of time. God did exist, and He cared for me.

I would like to say that from that moment I led a different and virtuous life, but it did not happen. I could not recreate the certainty of that moment. I repeatedly asked God for a call to service, but no call came. With no follow-up program and no guidance, I drifted. I eventually decided the experience was nothing more than extreme emotion. Illogically, I let dishonest conduct by Christian leaders convince me there was no God. So I left God. But though I didn’t know it then, He did not leave me.

In retrospect, I see that He led me into marriage with Mildred, a wonderful Christian woman. He led me through the Korean War unscathed and gave me the first two of our four children. One instance of His care stands out. I completed Army flight training without incident down to the final flight examination in the Aviation Tactics Course. A young West Pointer and I flipped a coin to see which one would be tested first. I won the toss, went first, and passed. On the second flight, the instructor crashed the aircraft and the student received severe burns. (He completed the course a year later.) Through God’s mercy, I continued with my family without drama. Through Mildred’s example, God moved me gradually back into professed Christianity and the solemnity of prayer. I came to believe that my experience at seventeen was genuine, and I am still awed by it.

Some people speak of an everyday friendship with God, including actual conversations: “God told me . . . .” I don’t dispute these reports, but my experience has been less direct. I am always conscious of God as the continuing ruler of all things, a Reality without whom there is no meaning or value. I am convinced that He controls the tides of history and many of the individual waves. (Though perhaps He leaves many waves to human free will.)  My experience of His leadership in my life, however, has chiefly been one of open or closed doors.

When I completed my doctorate, I wanted to spend my life probing deeper into English Renaissance literature at a research university. But those doors did not open. I will never know whether my status as a veteran and Christian screened me out, or whether I simply wasn’t good enough. It doesn’t matter. For in retrospect, I see that God protected me. The increasingly vicious political environment in those institutions would have chewed me up and spit me out. That has happened to many others, regardless of their professional quality. Instead, the Lord opened doors into denominational universities where political pressures were less intense.

Only twice have I had faint echoes of that original experience of God. I’ll tell of the second instance later. But the first came after my kindergarten-age son suffered a potentially fatal fractured skull. Getting him diagnosed and into treatment left us frantic emotionally. But in prayer, desperate prayer, I suddenly knew he would be all right. My tension disappeared. Years later, as a lawyer, that boy won a case against the state attorney general. When the Lord sends the “all right” signal, He means it.

Mildred and I both felt God’s assurance throughout her eight-year battle with ovarian cancer. Somehow, we both knew He was in control. When the doctor told us he could do no more, Mildred smiled and said, “I’m ready to meet the Lord.” Two months later, she embarked on the journey.

My second direct experience came soon after. I ventured into “listening prayer.” Once I asked, not in anger but in curiosity, why God had not answered my prayers for Mildred’s healing. Instantly, without my volition, words appeared in my mind: “She is completely healed in heaven.”

As I’d once asked for a call, I now asked God for a mission to give meaning to the remaining years my life. I received no guidance. But a door opened into what I believe is a mission that lets me be an encourager to more people than I ever have before.

So here, near the end of my days, I have not known the daily familiarity with God that some testify to, nor have I ever had a call to any form of ministry. But in retrospect I see that even when I was farthest from God, His silent guidance was with me at every turn, clear evidence of His love and care.

Donn Taylor portraits 12/7/07  Donn Taylor

 

30 thoughts on “Donn’s Story: A Quiet Assurance

  1. Thank you Don, for sharing your journey! I really appreciate his honesty and his “rear view insights!” Encouragers are so needed in this world of “Am I good enough!”

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  2. What a powerful testimony, Donn! We’ve been distant friends a long time and it’s been a privilege knowing the strength of your faith in your writing and especially in Mildred’s journey from here to Heaven.

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  3. As I read Dr. Taylor’s story about his asking God to reveal a mission for him, I thought of a passage I read yesterday in 2 Cor 7:17 (ESV) – “Only let each lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.” I have struggled with the same thing, and I think God wants us to simply be. We’ll never know the impact we have had for the kingdom of God until we meet him face to face. We are simply to “engage in business” until he comes (Luke 19:13) – just being who he has assigned and called us to be.

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    • This is so true, Ginger. We need to be faithful in the place He has put us, wherever that may be. We won’t know until heaven how He has used us for good here on earth, but we can trust Him for it.

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    • Yes, Ginger. Thank you for this encouraging reminder. Years ago, during a time of frustrating “busyness” in my life, Holy Spirit gently said to me, “Stop DOING, and start BEING.” We deceive ourselves into thinking that being (who we are) flows out of doing (what we do). Yet, the opposite is true in the Kingdom of God. As we abide in Jesus the Vine (being), we will bear the fruit (doing) that He has ordained for us to bear. Our dear brother in Christ, Dr. Donn, understands this and has encouraged us with the profound insights he has shared in his testimony.

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  4. I have “known” Donn for a while (in the way that we can sometimes know those we have never met) but knew very little of this story. Regardless, this shows he both knows and is known by the Father. And that’s what matters most. Thanks to both Donn and Ann!

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  5. Donn, I love this honest witness to His abiding presence. Your and Mildred’s faithfulness blessed me numerous times. And today, again, your faith blesses me on my journey. Just prayed a prayer of Thanksgiving for you and Mildred and for our Father’s presence, His constancy at our sides.

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  6. What an amazing testimony. This one deeply resonated. Thank you, Donn, for your story, and thank you, Ann, for providing a medium through your wonderful blog for that story to be told.

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  7. Donn, thanks for sharing this. I, too, have questioned why the Lord didn’t heal a spouse, only to get the answer that the healing took place in Heaven. And, like you, I’ve been given a pulpit via fiction that will reach more people than we ever would while preaching. Amazing how He works, isn’t it?

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